Aaron Rodgers is coming to town!
Like Santa Claus, only Rodgers looks older. His sleigh may have landed by the time you read this. (It’s akin to when TV stations track Santa on Christmas Eve.)
Given his aversion to decision-making, Rodgers may check his list more than twice.
Opinions on social media are mostly stupid, but it’s easy to detect a hint of consternation regarding Rodgers’ potential return.
Will the citizens turn on Grandpa Game Manager if he stumbles? What if he falls and can’t get up? Call Life Alert.
The second go-round of this drama got older faster than Rodgers.
Fox’s Colin Cowherd compared the Steelers’ organization to the New York Jets. If Cowherd is wrong, it’s not outrageously so.
The ceiling for Rodgers’ return is low: A six-time champion franchise that bloviates about the Super Bowl being the annual target is desperate to merely win a playoff game after nine years not.
The basement: Rodgers gets hurt at training camp or early in the season, can’t play and new coach Mike McCarthy gets to quickly and more directly work his quarterback magic with rookie Drew Allar and de facto rookie Will Howard.
I’d rather live in the basement.
But that’s not the best-case scenario.
The best-case scenario is Rodgers coming to town to announce his retirement.
But he would do that by phone.
Actually, the best-case scenario is the Steelers winning one game, like the year before they drafted Terry Bradshaw.
Or winning six games, like the year before they drafted Ben Roethlisberger.
Blather all you like about the Steel Curtain, “play Renegade” and the team’s glut of defensive heroes, the Steelers don’t have a single Lombardi Trophy if not for Bradshaw and Roethlisberger. They don’t get either one without losing.
Terry Hanratty gets you zero rings. Same with Tommy Maddox.
Lose a lot. Get Arch Manning.
It worked twice. It might work again.
Rodgers got the Steelers an AFC North title and a playoff loss last season, punctuating the latter with a pick-six on his last pass.
At 42, his immobility won’t reverse. Nor will his absolute refusal to take a hit to make a play.
He’s not a top 10 quarterback, or even top 25. He’s washed up.
But Rodgers nonetheless rides back into town like a conquering hero. (We think. Is he here yet?)
There’s no point to this column, much like there’s no point to bringing back Rodgers.
It’s just fun to list the absurdities.
Like Howard as the people’s choice. A sixth-round pick with a weak arm that’s never even taken a preseason snap, yet somehow grown in the estimation of the great unwashed.
Like too many being dismissive of Allar despite him having scads more promise than Howard. That’s gatekeeping by Pitt types after seeing Kenny Pickett go from first-round pick to instant journeyman.
Like the idea that Rodgers will mentor the young quarterbacks. A selfish narcissist won’t teach guys who might succeed him. What if Rodgers wants to come back for yet another season? (Don’t laugh.)
Like the notion that Rodgers will prosper because he has better weapons. The Steelers got Michael Pittman Jr. and Rico Dowdle, not Ja’Marr Chase and Bijan Robinson.
Like still waiting.
But Rodgers might have committed by the time you read this!
It’s like waiting for Elvis to hit the stage.
Didn’t he wind up dead on the toilet?