When it comes to the Pittsburgh Penguins’ stolen Jaromir Jagr bobbleheads, the No. 1 suspect in the case has already claimed responsibility.

However, that just seems too obvious. The Flyers already stole the real Jagr once in 2011. Do they really need to double down 13 years later?

This just seems like desperate attention-seeking opportunism from Gritty. And honestly, I think his greater goal is to throw us all off the scent of who really did it.

It’s good to see Jagr himself is on the hunt.

Here are some other potential culprits we have been investigating at “Breakfast with Benz.”


Henry Hill’s ‘Pittsburgh connection’

Remember in the movie “Goodfellas” when Ray Liotta mentioned his “Pittsburgh connection”?

Well, that was actually Eugene “Nick the Blade” Gesuale. While he may have died in 2016, I can only imagine his criminal network lives on in some capacity or another. Maybe this bobblehead job is just their first step back into launching a criminal enterprise.

If anyone sees a U-Haul truck in East Liberty or Highland Park unloading boxes with a Penguins logo on them, please call 911.


Doug McCray (‘The Town’)

McCray survived the Fenway Park heist while the rest of his roving band of costume-clad bank robbers were taken out in a fire fight in the streets of Boston.

He took a train to Florida and hasn’t been heard from since. McCray, a former hockey goon and presumably a Bruins fan, may have had a particular interest in getting one over on the Penguins. Or maybe he was just a big Jagr fan during his one year with the Bruins.

It’s possible all that money he made stealing armored truck deliveries has run out and he needs to get back in the game. Those Jagr bobbleheads are going to sell like hotcakes now.

If you hear anyone in Pittsburgh with a thick Boston accent sipping an iced coffee drink from Dunkin’ and mumbling something about how much he misses “sunnydays,” take note.


The Ocean’s 11 crew

Aren’t we overdue for an “Oceans 14”?

Or is it 15? Or 16? Pretty soon, they are gonna have to start using Roman numerals.

Stealing art and robbing casinos is so 2004. Stealing sports memorabilia to turn around on the online, dark web, black market is the way to go.

Plus, with the local film tax credit, lots of big stars know the streets of Pittsburgh. And much like a real life Benjamin Button, Jagr seems to be aging backward.

Brad Pitt is probably jealous.


The Pirate Parrot

The Pirates haven’t exactly had a lot of success with bobbleheads.

Tom Gorzelanny’s bobblehead looked like it was giving everyone the middle finger. Oneil Cruz had to hand out his own bobblehead while he was injured last year. And in 2006, the Buccos tried to go big with a “3D triple bobblehead”: Duke, Doumit and Duffy.

When the bobblehead was given out July 1, though, Chris Duffy and Ryan Doumit were both injured and Zach Duke’s ERA was 4.92. He had just given up 37 hits over his previous four starts.

And then there was the unfortunate mix-up with the giant, life-sized bobbleheads two years ago when one of them had to be sent back before it was even unveiled because it … uh, how did the team put it … “did not meet expectations.”

Maybe the Parrot just wanted to help his franchise get one right, and the Pirates could glom onto the rejuvenated Jagr hysteria in Pittsburgh.

Plus, there is great river access along the Allegheny. It would’ve been really easy to float a boat down under the cover of night and unload a few pallets of the bobbleheads right behind the Bill Mazeroski statue through the service entrance in right field.


Iceburgh

Speaking of mascots, does the phrase “inside job” mean anything to anyone?

Iceburgh has access to the building. He has connections within the franchise. He works in the promotions department.

He’s got a motive. I mean, one less Jagr bobblehead doll day is potentially one more Iceburgh bobblehead doll day. Plus, what a great distraction to get people to focus on something other than how bad the team is.

And don’t let Iceburgh fool you. Oh, sure. He comes off as warm and loveable. But this guy has a mean streak. He’s always looking for a fight.

I’m not sure how good of a getaway vehicle a zamboni is, though. That should be pretty easy to catch.

Tim Benz is a Tribune-Review staff writer. You can contact Tim at tbenz@triblive.com or via X. All tweets could be reposted. All emails are subject to publication unless specified otherwise.