Emily Fisher was dating a man in 2022 when his self-described “best friend from childhood” came to visit for the weekend. The “friend” was actually another girlfriend.
“It was just so crazy,” said Fisher, 24, of Beaver. “I was like, ‘Maybe this is a joke.’ ”
The relationship’s abrupt conclusion was one of many horror stories Fisher said she experienced while using online dating services. Then she met her current partner, Ben Feuer, 26, of Lawrenceville, through a dating app called Tinder.
Feuer lived in Denver. They initially established a friendship, communicating on the social media platform Snapchat before she made the jump and visited him. They clicked, and he wound up moving to Pennsylvania to keep the relationship going.
After Fisher, who is a single mom, graduated from college, she said she wasn’t sure how she was going to meet anyone.
Dating, especially online, has become riddled with uncertainty, safety concerns and an array of both positive and negative experiences. Still, in 2024, it’s how many single people make connections.
A Pew Research Center survey published last year says “one in 10 partnered adults — meaning those who are married, living with a partner or in a committed romantic relationship — met their current significant other through a dating site or app.”
Popular apps
Celine Halt met her boyfriend, Tyler Borzyn, 25, of Rochester, on the Hinge dating app. They’ve been together for more than a year.
Halt, 26, of Murrysville is manager of ballpark entertainment for the Pittsburgh Pirates at PNC Park. She said she believes Hinge is the best online dating app because users can post prompts and photos — and communication is more relaxed.
On Hinge, users can hit an “X” in the bottom left corner of a profile if they’re not interested or a “heart” icon on the right side if they are. People might respond to messages within days or weeks on Hinge, and their “matches” will still be there, Halt said.
By liking a specific part of the person’s profile, the user can make a personal connection or share a similarity. For example, some users choose to display polls or ask questions. A user who is interested might reply to one of those with a witty comment to increase the likelihood of a connection.
Bumble is another popular option for dating. There’s a timer involved, so if someone forgets to reply, the match could disappear, Halt said. On Bumble, unlike other dating apps, the female must message first — a feature some people prefer.
Heterosexual women have 24 hours to send a message before their matches before they disappear. Once the message is sent, the man has 24 hours to reply to keep the match and the conversation going, according to Bumble. In same-sex matches, either person can message first within the 24-hour period.
“Certain apps definitely hinder you with the time crunch that they have on it,” Halt said.
Halt said she really wasn’t interested in Tinder, which is another option for dating, because of the hookup reputation that precedes it.
On Tinder, users can swipe left on the app if they’re not interested and swipe right if they’d like to match with the person. Before deciding, they can look through a series of photographs and the person’s biography.
Tinder is the most commonly used dating site, according to a Pew survey. About 46% of Americans who have used a dating site or app have used it — which is 14% of all U.S. adults, the survey found. Tinder is also especially popular among adults under 30.
By subscribing or paying a fee, users can unlock extra features on dating apps, such as being able to see everyone who liked your profile.
About 35% of online dating users said they have paid for extra features, Pew found.
Despite small differences, Hinge, Bumble and Tinder all give users the opportunity to make their profiles unique by uploading photos and showcasing hobbies and interests. Users often choose to denote what they’re looking for in a relationship as well.
Safety concerns
Every time she went on a date with someone she met online, Tabitha Ishman said she made sure she had an out, such as her own transportation.
She always made sure she shared her location with friends, she said.
“I never went on one without other people knowing … just in case something happened,” said Ishman, 28, of Baldwin.
Fisher’s experience on dating apps has been “nothing short of entertaining.” She has made a lot of friends and helped her girlfriends curate their profiles.
However, she has had a few negative experiences.
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One man showed up at her house with gifts when she hadn’t given him her address, she said.
“He really wasn’t taking no for an answer,” Fisher said.
She walked out of work one day to find him waiting near her car.
“I was just like, ‘You’re scaring me,’ ” she said. “ ‘If you come closer to me, I’m going to call for help.’ ”
Fisher’s co-worker came out to the parking lot to make sure Fisher was safe. Fisher never heard from the man again.
She said the experience was a “snap back to reality.”
Other women spoke to TribLive about dating horror stories but declined to go on the record, fearing for their safety. Their tales ranged from someone who refused to give back an apartment key to people falsifying their identities. Some lied about their careers.
Success stories
Ishman has been dating her current boyfriend, Anthony Tedesco, 29, of Baldwin, for almost four years. They met on Bumble.
Ishman said she had been on dating apps since college — so for more than five years, off and on.
Halt said Borzyn was someone from college who she had been following on Instagram for years but had never spoken to before matching on Hinge.
“We knew of each other, but we had never spoken a single word to each other,” she said. “His profile wasn’t that great, so if I didn’t know him I wouldn’t have swiped right on him — he was kind of skeptical to use it.”
Now they’re talking about possibly getting married.
“I would say give the apps a chance,” Halt said. “It’s cool to meet people on there even if they don’t end up in your life romantically.”
After getting divorced, Joanna Benefield met her current partner on Hinge. She said both of her best friends have married people they met on Tinder.
“I hadn’t dated in maybe seven years so I didn’t know what to expect,” said Benefield, 30, of Brentwood. It was a different experience than she remembered when she previously used online dating apps.
“It was different … way less people reaching out that cared to do anything other than talk or hook up,” she said. “(It was) hard to navigate that.”
She said she had the most success on Hinge, where she felt like people actually cared to talk to her.
Her boyfriend, Dylan Goshert, 28, of Brentwood, who she matched with in August 2022, didn’t have any red flags and was quick to plan a first date.
“It took me by surprise,” Benefield said. “I wasn’t expecting to find a relationship, and he kind of came out of nowhere.”
They just bought a house together.
“It never hurts to give someone enough time to have a conversation with you,” she said.
2024 dating pool
Dating today is harder than it was even a year ago, Halt said, basing her opinion on her friends’ experiences.
“I think a lot of … people are very selective,” she said.
Some people tend to focus on height requirements and other similar qualities, she said, and if “exact cookie cutter” criteria aren’t met, then they’re not willing to explore that person as an option.
Ishman said her friends have told her they believe there is a smaller dating pool, especially when people enter their late 20s or early 30s.
“It just seems like people are going back to, ‘I want to meet someone in person,’” she said, since the pandemic. “It’s obviously hard because you’re not as social as maybe you once were.”
Though she would have loved to have met her boyfriend in person, she doesn’t believe their lives would have intersected if they hadn’t met online.
In the early 1990s, Ishman said her parents met via a newspaper posting in the classifieds section.
“I guess it was like a thing that people did,” she said. “(Online dating is) just like the newer version.”
Fisher said the examples of success stories, including hers that spanned across the country, are proof that dating apps can work.
Even if there’s only slight interest in someone, Halt suggested giving that person a chance.
“What do you have to lose?” she said. “We all have a bad date story one time or another. It’s always better to say, ‘I did,’ than, ‘What if?’ ”
Megan Swift is a TribLive reporter covering trending news in Western Pennsylvania. A Murrysville native, she joined the Trib full time in 2023 after serving as editor-in-chief of The Daily Collegian at Penn State. She previously worked as a Jim Borden Scholarship intern at the Trib for three summers. She can be reached at mswift@triblive.com.